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But that doesn't mean that being a submissive is easy. For some women, coming to terms with a submissive identity can run up against ideals of feminism; for others it can affect their entire way of loving and relating. In this week's installment of our interview series Love, Actually , exploring the reality of women's sex lives, Rose a pseudonym , 40, shares what it's like to reveal to her husband of seven years that she wants him to be the dominant half of a BDSM relationship. When I was 19, I became involved in my very first sexual relationship. The man I fell in love with had a very dominant personality, in a way that made me feel cared for, loved, and safe.